People have said to me “I don’t know how you do it.” I
usually respond with, “One day at a time,” or some such platitude. However,
there are days that I don't do it. I don't keep it together. There. I confess,
in writing no less, that there are days I don't and I can’t keep it together.
Hell, there are days when I positively lose it, I scream, I yell, I cry. There.
I confess. (Looks up to make sure the world didn't just come to an end.)
Why is
it we, as caregivers can’t admit we have bad days? Days when we don't have it all together
and days we positively lose it. We can rationalize our bad days, the nurse didn’t
show or the patient refused to do something entirely sensible. The truth
however, is far simpler and far more complex as well. The truth is we're pissed
off, angry, frustrated and sad about the situation we find ourselves in as
caregivers. It’s a frequently underappreciated and often criticized job
sometimes even by the person we are caring for. So why is it as caregivers, we
have trouble admitting that we’re having a bad day even to ourselves? Perhaps
it’s because if we admit it we're afraid something bad will happen (hence the
previous reference to the world coming to an end). Perhaps it’s because we feel
guilty as though we shouldn't have a bad day because the person we're caring
for has it worse. Whatever the reason, we have to find healthy ways to express
our anger, fear and frustration lest it boil over to the point we can’t put the
genie back in the bottle.
